All Quiet on the Western Front
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LOOKS LIKE I PICKED THE WRONG DAY TO QUIT DRINKING
The long Labor Day weekend always lends itself to extra reflection on what is typically the first game of the season. Controversial endings—and debating that controversy—grab viewership, and in this day and age, that’s what matters most. So your algorithm is probably humming away right now, somewhere between “Michigan Cheats” and “Look at this redeeming clock replay sent over from the Big Ten office.”
The game ended, then it ended again, those two endings diametrically opposed. If Michigan was on the other side of this, I’d like to say I’d be screaming from the mountaintops. But the product probably wouldn’t have warranted it.
Extra second aside, Michigan was abysmal on Saturday. And while most of that opinion comes from the assumption that the opponent was MAC garbage, there were so many things that went wrong independent of the other team on the field that you wouldn’t have called that a gutty win if it had happened against Ohio.
Lucky. That’s what it was.
It was one of those common Sparty-over-Michigan-style victories. Run off the field for all but the opening drive and saved by a sloppy miracle. Dominated at the line of scrimmage. Lack of identity. Unforced errors. An early-season punch in the gut to the Michigan faithful who had belief in the hype machine and the one-liners, and belief in a coaching staff that was supposed to be the “adults in the room”—the ones who replaced a regime rife with side pieces and halftime booty-call DMs.
Though he was just one of many issues on Saturday, the lightning rod of it all is the quarterback. It’s difficult for me to give up on Bryce Underwood and what I have always viewed as the limitless ceiling of his talent. We’ve just seen none of it.
Improvement is important, of course, and given the investment (and the previous absent-minded staff), some patience was warranted. I’m just not sure whose will run out first: the staff’s or mine. Because I am damn close…and I know for many of you, it ran dry many, many games ago.
Tommy Carr looms, looking to replace a nearly unanimously voted-by-the-team captain who is first at practice and last to leave, and who cashed his second $2.5 million check that we wrote. What that might mean for the locker room—and the next few years of Michigan football—is a difficult question to answer. But at some point, the possibility of future negatives is overrun by unachievable goals and diminishing returns.
Bryce exudes confidence when the clock isn’t moving. But the bad taste left in my mouth as Bryce strutted and skipped around with an “I did it, I told you I’d do it” expression after he was bailed out by Buchanon all day…rough.
Joel Klatt, probably as Michigan-homer as it gets for a national pundit, took painstaking detail in not just picking apart his performance between the first drive and the Hail Mary, but also the first drive itself. It’s eye-opening.
I’ve got no idea what happens next. Benching Bryce is serious shit on a lot of levels. And based on the rest of the team’s play, I’m not certain it would matter this week against Oklahoma.
To be discussing salvaging a season after the first game—and a win in the first game at that—is disheartening, to say the least. But maybe, just maybe, they’ll surprise us.
Because no matter how much you think you know about what a group of 18-to-22-year-old kids will do when the chips are down, just remember that you just watched Michigan rush the field after a victory over a MAC school.
You Can’t Suck Me In (Yes You Can): Michigan 47, Western Michigan 14
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Hello, and welcome back to the most unreliable Michigan football game recap, usually available sometime after the last game and before the next one, but only until a disappointing loss, which this year could be as early as next week or as late as Thanksgiving. About every other year the shut down comes after a stupid showing against “those guys up north and to the west,” a term that while directionally appropriate, doesn’t have the same heat behind it as “little brother”…but I’m trying to avoid the “little brother” moniker because Mike Hart is the RB coach now and it’s literally all that the world will talk about for at least a week before that Halloween Eve shit show in East Landfill. Look Sparty! I’m already talking about you! #RentFree bro.
Michigan entered the season unranked and with zero expectations. Pundits everywhere weighing in with something averaging around 7-5, and those five losses were scheduled to start next week against the 20th (whoops) ranked Huskies, and probably also included Penn State, Wisconsin, Indiana, and of course OSU. Michigan entered the weekend as a 17-point favorite against a MAC school. Let’s pretend I went back a looked it up (I didn’t) and that is the lowest spread for Michigan against a MAC school since the RichRod era. So ya, no respect, none probably deserved, and I’m settling in riding the idea that nothing good can come of this season, and most certainly not this game. No pressure. Relax and enjoy the tailgate.
Oh but Saturday.
Ticket takers, spirited and full-ish stadium, band take the field, James Earl Jones, and Michigan beating up a MAC squad. Wear the blinders and enjoy. This is the way.
And Efficient is the word of the day in the QB department. Cade is here for that Griese roll, or maybe that Navarre roll, and he did it well. Didn’t take any chances. Didn’t turn it over. Didn’t take a sack…and honestly was rarely hurried, as O-Line seems to be one of the best units on the squad*. Cade protected possessions, and for the most part handed it off, or threw passes that were essentially long hand offs. Even his two incompletions were just balls batted at the line. Gattis gave the kid a confidence building game plan, and it worked.* Corum and Haskins did a nice lighting and thunder show, pacing the Wolverines with 27 carries at just under 7 yards per. Then a pinch hit home run by fresh bench legs in AJ Henning (74yd TD) served as a backbreaker to the great Bronco spirit.
Michigan ran the ball 43 times on Saturday, and passed it 17. It may not seem ideal for your modern day college football team, but we are not that, and this is pretty close to the ratio that you are looking for in a MAC opener if you are chasing historical Michigan when they last won the B1G. The 2003 opener stat line against Central Michigan is damn near identical, albeit with significantly less first downs due in part to the number of big plays gobbling up huge chunks of the field in ways Chris Perry could never dream of :). And that was the rub Saturday. For all its conservativeness, the offense was pretty damn explosive: 14 plays of 10+ yards. Three plays of 50+ yards. Two TDS of 70+ yards for the first time since Denard.*
The defense continued to provide the frustration you came to know and love under the previous Don Brown regime: Being porous for the first couple drives no matter the opponent, and not getting off the field on 3rd downs. Western went marching on their first couple of drives and had a downright dominant 3rd down conversion percentage in the first half despite the lopsided score. But hey, first game under Babyface McDonald. Still getting the kinks out. After their first couple of drives, Western went just under three quarters where they gained a total of about 50 yards**. But the pass rush we require was not there. Gotta get home with 4. Which, with all due respect to Western’s veteran O-Line, probably means there won’t be a pass rush in most other games. Which means you need to rush a 5th guy, or that opposing QBs will have time to find receivers that will eventually get open because I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT THE SECONDARY WE ARE SUSCEPTIBLE TO THE DEEP BALL (since 1879). Add to that a bit of softness right up the middle. We don’t have a dude (I know you miss Don Brown a little bit) there yet. This was exploited as best it could be by the Broncos, and with some success, so it is likely now on page 1 of Washington’s scouting report. Also, screw you guys for losing to Montana.
Can’t say anything that hasn’t already been said about Ronnie Bell. Really looked like he was going to be something very special this year. Made the catch of the season and got jobbed by a full bullshit OPI call. Get that Med-Red fella. We’ll wait for you. Let me know where I can support Your Likeness in the meantime. But man, big hole to fill this year for that next man up.
Anyway, maybe it was the layoff, or the whiskey, but that game felt ok to me and bordering on good*. At worst, it was fun. Big plays are fun. Big plays are effective. Big plays scare opponents into doing things that open up other big plays. This is not the Speed in Space that I imagined when the concept was announced a few years back, but there certainly was something Fast and Open going on Saturday that seemed different, if not better. So, Go Blue? Yes, Go Blue.
And damn you week 1 for churning up some expectations. I’m looking at you Indiana. You and your tiny little Penix.
The tailgate, despite the scary prospect of new landlords, went off without a hitch. Lots of pork things, lots of people, and a lack of Luau decor due to the fact that I couldn’t find my Luau box and I refuse to purchase another Luau kit from Amazon. But a spirited group for sure, led by our newest full time member Adam who was on site at the crack of dawn for setup and whose whole damn extended family stuck around and took down the whole tailgate with me. Big thanks to all who came and especially to those that contributed.
Under the lights next week ya’ll. See you at noon.
*Opponent was Western Michigan and likely does not mean shit and could create false confidence that later results in painful losses
**Calculation done in the fog of bourbon, during the game, utilizing scoreboard stats and remedial group math of people around me in the stands
Way Back When-sday Never Forgets
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September 22, 2001 - Red, white and blue pom moms and an American flag in the stands for the first game in Michigan Stadium after 9/11. Michigan would win 38 - 21 over Western Michigan behind 3 TDs (2 rushing, 1 receiving) from BJ Askew.
