Predicting the Destination of the Jug

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​The Hammer:

I'm willing to concede that Minnesota's offense will be a stiffer test than Wisconsin's. They have more balance and a somewhat less predictable attack. With that being said, their defense should be no match. I'll give the Gophers 17 points but we're dropping 31. This will be another game that frustrates me at times because of play calling but I'm hoping we get things strait before Michigan State. Bring back the jug.I'm thirsty damn it!

Michigan 31

Minnesota 17

Offensive MVP: A. Arrington

Defensive MVP: L. Hall

Johnny Cleveland:

Nomally an 8pm'er in the HHH would signify trouble, especially with the Spartans on deck. However, when you have a half dozen NFL players on the defensive side of the ball, you tend to rest a little easier. Could be close for quite a stretch with their ground game and experienced QB, but turnovers break it open eventually. Don't be surprised if the Gophers air it out early...but in the end we dance in Dinkytown!

Michigan 38

Minnesota 21

OMVP: Chad Henne

DMVP: Terrance Taylor

The XBox:

Michigan: 42

Minnesota: 27

The Webmaster:

No looking ahead when it's Revenge Week Part 3. They celebrated on our field. They planted a flag Sparty style. They took our jug. We are coming to fix all of it.

Michigan 34

Minnesota 13

OMVP: Mike Hart again

DMVP: Alan Branch again

The Minnesota Preview: Give Me Back My Jug!!!

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​We've crossed over mid-week and I'm feeling pretty confident. I just can't see coming back here without the jug. There's an empty spot in Schembechler Hall without it. I mean, it really is our jug. You know how the story goes. Lloyd tells it every year like a drunk uncle spouting "'Twas the night before Christmas" at your holiday gathering. Yost thought that the Gopher's were going to poison us, so we brought our own water in our own jug. We head back to Ann Arbor post game, probably by horse drawn carriage, and forget the jug. Yost sends a text message morse code telegram to Minnesota, asking for the jug back. Minnesota says "come back and win it from us."

It's at this point in the story I get pissed. Screw you Minnesota. We made an honest mistake when packing up the burros to head back to Ann Arbor. Why not be civil and give us our water jug back? ...Especially considering that we had to bring it because you guys are shady bastards known for poisoning opponent's water.

So besides stealing the jug from us last year in a metaphoric sense by way of a last ditch run by the now defunct Gary Russell, you actually stole our jug and took it back with you to Minneapolis. Dude...our jug. I'll get a lawyer if I have to. We're taking it back this year, win or lose, and we're putting it in our trophy case...and then we're just not going to bring it to the game anymore. That's it.

Oh ya, I almost forgot, you also planted a flag into our field turf. We're sending you a bill for that too. It's not grass assholes...it's expensive.

The School:


  • Established 1851

  • Enrollment 51,194, second largest in the United States

  • Colors: Maroon and Gold

  • Mascot: Goldy Gopher


The Records:

  • Michigan is 67-24-3 all time against Minnesota, 30-12-2 in Minneapolis.

  • Minnesota is 2-2 on the season, with losses to California and Purdue, and wins against Kent State and Temple

  • Minnesota head coach Glen Mason has lead his team to 32 victories over the last four seasons (2002-2005), which is the best four year win total since 1902-1905.

  • Lloyd Carr is 8-1 in his career against the Gophers, and 4-0 at the Dome. Michigan is undefeated (10-0) at the Dome all time.

  • Michigan is 24-2 in their last 26 games against the Gophers.


Watch List:

  • The two-headed monster of Maroney and Barber Amir Pinnix and Alex Daniels lead a rushing offense that is 2nd in the Big Ten and 8th in the nation.

  • Quarterback Brian Cupito, who holds just about every all-time passing record at Minnesota.

  • Junior LB Mike Sherels leads the team in tackles.

  • Sophomore DE Steve Davis leads the team in sacks and will try to have his way with Reuben Riley.


Fun Facts:

  • I once made the cover of the website cameltoe.org (link not suitable for work, obviously) for a picture I appeared in with Goldy the Gopher (above).

Jugless

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Amazing the difference a week makes. After a gritty, hard-hitting victory over rival Michigan State in the previous week, a different Wolverine team came back for Homecoming Saturday at the Big House. In front of the quietest 111,000 people anywhere in America that day, Michigan gave the home crowd a virtual replay of their game against Wisconsin in Madison. "Flat" doesn't do it justice..."non existent" is more accurate. They couldn't put it in the end zone. They couldn't make a field goal, with Rivas missing two in the second half from 42 and 34 yards out. But more importantly, they showed no signs that they wanted to keep The Little Brown Jug in Schembechler Hall anymore. Michigan needed a kickoff return by Steve Breaston, the first since 1994, to keep it close. After what could only be classified as a Hail Mary 61-yard run by the second-string running back, on a handoff from a backup quarterback that everybody (except for Jim Herrmann apparently) knew wasn't going to throw, Minnesota kicked a game winning field goal as time had all but expired. Minnesota celebrated their first victory over Michigan since 1986, and our trophy case was left as empty as our hearts.

This is no longer an aberration. This is no longer about team goals or lofty expectations. The 2005 season has become a salvage job of epic proportions. At 3-3 for the first time since 1990, Michigan is going to need a little more than a closed team meeting to fix what is on its way to becoming one of the worst seasons in modern team history. The Northwestern Wildcats received more poll votes this week than the Wolverines, who are out of the top 25 again, and it will take a little more than winning the next one, two, or even three games to get us back onto the list.

And the season will not be stopping to wait for us. Next week, Joe Paterno is coming to Ann Arbor, and he is bringing with him the #8 team in the country.

Hope?

In 1990, Michigan suffered early season losses to Notre Dame, Michigan State, and Iowa...going 3-3...before running the table and winning a share of the Big Ten title. In their last six games, they averaged 31.5 points a game on offense, while not allowing more than 19 in any of those games. 1990 and 2005 were eerily similar as far as expectations and rankings go, with the Wolverines starting the season at #4 and making it to #1 before falling as far as #20 after their 3rd loss. Their main difference? Desmond Howard.

 

Driving Us To Drink

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Can't Lose Them All

The Cubs and Red Sox are in the league championship series. Ohio State lost a close game to Wisconsin. Arnold Schwarzenegger is the Governor of California. Northern Illinois is ranked in the top 20. Translation: The sun shines on a dog's ass now and then. And even on a Friday evening, in a dome, a tiny ray peaked through and hit #16 in the ass, if only for one quarter.

Make no mistake, the Wolverines may have been the lesser of the two teams on the field on Friday, or at least they were playing that way. There were no major miscues, no huge special teams foul ups, and the only turnover was an interception that looked as if it just may have been a great play by the defensive back. And yet, Michigan found itself down 14-0 at the half. They were down because they were out-played. They had no answer for the Minnesota offense, and the Wolverine offense mustered up less than 100 total yards. The third quarter wasn't much better, as Minnesota added another 14, while the Wolverines only score came on a trick play where Steve Breaston tossed a touchdown pass to none other than John Navarre. At the end of three quaters, the Wolverines were in the middle of a drive down the field, but trailed 28-7. I won't lie to you, the four of us that made the trip considered leaving. I received a text message on my cell phone that read "Leave now and beat the traffic." A voice mail said, "Is it really all worth it?" referring to the 20-hour round trip to Minneapolis to see this anemic performance. We decided to hold our decision to leave until after the Wolverines current drive.

A ten-yard touchdown pass from Navarre to Perry made it 28-14, which at that time seemed to just be delaying the inevitable. Faith is not something that appears in a thought that contains John Navarre, so the 14-point differential still seemed insurmountable. But then, just one-minute later, Jacob Stewert intercepted an errant pass and returned it for a touchdown...28-21. Maybe? No, still Navarre. But we're not going anywhere. C'mon defense!

Minnesota then got the ball to mid-field, and a 52-yard run right up the gut by Minnesota QB Abdul-Khaliq was the dagger. I want to leave...but there's so much time left. 11:11 to go...isn't 11:11 supposed to be lucky? I make a wish. Stephen curses the fact that we stayed. One-minute later, Navarre to Edwards for a 52 yard touchdown, 35-28. Maybe? No, still Navarre. DEFENSE!!

A much needed and rare stop is followed by an 8-play, 60-yard drive, which ends with a 10-yard TD run by Chris Perry. TIED? 35-35... and I'm convinced we can't put together back to back defensive stops. But we do. Maybe? No, still Navarre. Pray for overtime. For god's sakes John, don't throw an interception that gets returned for a touchdown. Run it Lloyd...run it. Then time stopped. It was one of those quick moments that seemed to last forever, where you hear your heart beating, as the ball popped out of Chris Perry's hands and bounced up field...right into the hands of a diving Tim Massequoi. Kick it now! Good god, kick it now. Navarre takes a knee, Minnesota burns it's last time out, Rivas lines up and splits the uprights. 38-35. Maybe? YES...MAYBE? Colorado? DEFENSE!!!!!! DEFENSE!!!!!! Then Abdul-Khaliq's hail mary falls short, and into the hands of Markus Curry. And it's over. Michigan wins 38-35? 31 fourth-quarter points?!? A Navarre win against a ranked team on the road? Ahhhh yes, a dog's ass my friends, a dog's ass.

Sans Tailgate

If you recall from last year's trip to the Twin Cities, there is no substantial tailgate at Minnesota, so we actually tailgated on the road...literally. Open container laws aside, we created a theme on the fly (Fried Foods) and our tailgate was catered by Culver's and included fried cheese curds and breaded pork loin sandwiches. I am mentioning this makeshift tailgate in order to explain why there are very few pictures from the trip. To fill in the blanks, I've included some choice pictures from the Godfather's family trip to New York City which occurred in between the trip to Iowa and Minnesota... and created the monniker "Hell Week" to describe the activities of the last 7 days. Enjoy!

Exploiting Their Weaknesses

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Rolling Along

There was no tailgate this week. That's right, no tailgate. Minnesota has a detached campus. Detached meaning that the stadium is not within the confines of the campus. This makes the college atmosphere surrounding the Metrodome less than festive. So after late night dinner at Murray's steakhouse the previous evening, the bulk of the crew made their way on Saturday morning to Minnesota's campus to eat at Al's Breakfast, a local greasy spoon and Gopher favorite for a morning meal. The entire restaurant was the size of a small hallway, and only had fourteen seats, all counter front bar stools. Patrons lines up behind the seats and out the door, waiting for the unique taste of food cooked on an uncleaned griddle. We almost felt like we were tasting a bit of history, if history is grease left over from hash browns cooked the last time Minnesota had the Jug in their possession. Nonetheless, the atmosphere was great, and the food was too.

With no tailgate in sight, the usual suspects of UMTailgate.com took their place in Hubert's, a tavern within spitting distance of the dome and adorned with Twins, Vikings, and Gopher memorabilia. We arrived a little after noon and settled in for seven hours of beer, bar food, and football on TV. It was interesting to see this group sitting around on a fall Saturday afternoon watching college football on TV. Mind you, the crew in question hasn't missed a game between them this season, so watching games on TV comes only on bye weeks. Some friendly bets were placed between us as pitcher after pitcher and chicken wing after chicken wing arrived.

We stumbled into the dome, tipping our caps to UMTailgate.com Hall of Fame member John Dogan and his wife on the way to our seats. Tooting my own horn, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that the 700 mile journey to the Metrodome completes my tour of the Big Ten stadiums, and I may have to admit that I saved the WORST for last, despite the fact that alcohol was served during the game. College football is meant to be played in the sun, meaning it should be both outdoors AND during the day. In Minneapolis we had neither. While the atmosphere was certainly unique, it had that manufactured feel about it, not unlike watching the Lions play in the Silverdome. The sound system was slightly better than at Riverview High School (Note: Riverview 27, Center Line 12...Pirates advance to Regional Finals at Marine City) and the turf was two-toned where they insert the Golden Gopher endzones onto the Viking's field surface.

What does all of this add up to? A big win for the Wolverines, who after allowing the Gophers back into the game early in the second half, dominated the end of the third and all of the fourth quarter to come away with a 41-24 victory. The Little Brown Jug remains in Ann Arbor, and all is well with the college football universe.

Up Next: Bucky Badger and Friends

GO BLUE!!!

The Webmaster