Weekend Roundup: Earth Rotating in the Proper Direction Again Edition, 9/15/2009

It's time to get back to being Arrogant Michigan Fan.

We won.  You lost.  We won because we're better than everybody else, on and off the field.  We are the greatest college football team of all time, representing the best academic Univerisity of all time...the rest of you can get in line behind us.

Ha ha ha, hee hee hee...Central Michigan beat Michigan State.  Compounding my glee is that it came on the day that Dantonio's extension was announced, and just a couple weeks after Michigan State signed up to play directional Michigan in a round robin fashion for many years to come.  Little brother will never learn.  No matter what you do, no matter who you get to lead your band of misfits, you will still be dumb.  You're dumb.  There's nothing you can do about being so damn dumb.  From stupid penalties to drugged up quarterbacks to having your heroes shoot themselves in the leg...literally.  That is who you are, and that is who you will always be.

Sure, the events of the final 30 seconds all broke in the Chippewas' favor.  But we'd been outplayed by a significant margin for the 59 minutes and 30 seconds that preceded those 30 seconds--outgained by 74 yards and outconverted by 8 first downs.  And when it mattered most, we couldn't stop them.  Central gained a total of 147 yards to reach the endzone on both of its final two non-onside-kick-commenced drives.  We were lucky to be in position to win the game with 30 seconds to go.

And you're lucky we continue to let you participate in Big Ten football, as you have less Big Ten titles than the University of Chicago.

This feels great.

And you, OSU, who have taken advantage of the worst years of the Big Ten, have shown time and again that you are built only for this conference, and only when it sucks.  With the coach you have, a sweatervested god in your world, you have reached your peak.  You will forever live off of that single National Championship in 2002 that required the participation of a future felon that took money from a booster.  Cue Dr. Saturday...

Ohio State's failure to beat a quality opponent since defeating Michigan to punch a ticket to the national championship game in 2006, Tressel's teams have been outclassed, outsmarted, outplayed and outprepared in every big game they've played.

More, more, more!

This was a giveaway game, one the Buckeyes absolutely should have won. But it wasn't the kind where the quarterback makes a boneheaded play at the end of the game, or where the runningback fumbled, or the cornerback slipped and fell, or the kickoff coverage broke down. It was a game where the coaching staff let everyone down by asking its team to execute a rubbish gameplan.

And from the SF Chronicle, and article titled "A Better Choice - Ann Arbor" infers that Pryor made the wrong choice...

ESPN analyst Kirk Herbstreit and some other national experts say that the No. 11 Buckeyes proved they can play against the nation's elite. If by play against, they mean play not to lose and handcuff their exciting quarterback with conservative play calling, then yes Ohio State proved that.

Did I mention how great this feels?  One more shot from Black Shoe Diaries...

Congratulations, Ohio State. You have a five star quarterback that can't read defenses. He stares down his receivers, throws off his back foot, and forces passes he has no business throwing. On top of that, he's an inarticulate headcase who doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut leaving one to suspect he has some self esteem issues he's trying to mask.

Ok, enough.  Here's some links about us...

Tate Forcier and Darryl Stonum were named big ten players of the week.  Sports Illustrated said this about the last spot in their Heisman watch list...

Heisman-o-meter: There are a number of players who could've landed in this spot. Along with the aforementioned Gilyard, Pike and Spiller, Purdue's Ralph Bolden, Notre Dame's Michael Floyd, Alabama's Mark Ingram (who battled the flu last week) and even Michigan's Tate Forcier are among the multiple contenders.

Ya, well, no.  But, ya. In other news, 

Charlie Puddingpants whined about officiating, but we later found that pictures don't lie.  Troy Wollfolk walks soft and carries an empty leash.  

About his dog  (BTW things seem to be awfully fun at pressers these days)...

"I kind of like to walk him in the dark because he's black and he can't be seen, so it's like I just have a leash," Woolfolk joked.

The Wolverine talks of Euphoria

Coming for you, Ron English...GO BLUE!!

Things Are Different Now

​Going into Saturday's game, I really had no opinion on the outcome.  I didn't know, on any level, what was going to happen when Michigan took the field.  I mean, I knew what I wanted to happen, but I was probably more preoccupied with what I didn't want to happen.  I didn't want the euphoric feelings I felt after Western Michigan to be erased by a loss at the hands of the Irish.  Overcoming the adversity of practice-gate and the anti-Rich Rod rhetoric by way of a 31-7 victory was a really big deal.  But people don't want to hear about what you did for them yesterday, they want to hear about today.  I thought a lot about what people would think following a loss to Notre Dame.  I would have certainly been an apologist:  Notre Dame has a good team...Michigan is young and when they get more experience watch out...Next year is the year, maybe the year after that...yada yada yada.  But I don't have to worry about that anymore.  Because a group of very young men and a coach under fire have decided they don't want to wait.  They want it all...right now.

Though I don't do it very much in my day-to-day life, and I attend religious services about as often as I root for Michigan State, I find myself praying sometimes at football games.  I literally look to the sky with my hands folded, thinking there's some higher power that isn't busy with famine or disease or world peace that has time to fix a football game.  I was just in the middle of of something along the lines of "if you let Michigan win I'll volunteer at a..." when my connection was interrupted by Seven Nation Army and an entire section of students whipped into a frenzy.  This whole piped in music thing is so simple, so effective, that I can't believe we waited so long to implement it.  But that is just one of the many New Michigan Traditions.  The Victor's Walk, the honorary captains, and the team immediately sprinting towards the student section following a victory to sing The Victors, were brought here by Rich Rodriguez and are designed for one thing: FUN.

Michigan football, everything about it, is fun, perhaps for the first time.  From the play on the field, which is like some kind of wild circus of speed and trickery with a ringmaster that would've gone to prom four months ago if he didn't have spring practice, to the players seemingly as intent on getting us into the game by flapping their arms and pointing to crowd as they are with making the next play.  Rich Rodriguez, whose recruiting prowess grows with every early signee, made a pitch to the most stubborn of prospects.  And though two games, by showing what can happen when the right personnel runs a system, by saying all the right things, and by shedding a few tears, Coach has landed the biggest recruit in Michigan Football history...us.  We are on this team.  We are the 12th man.  We are All-In.

"Everybody kept saying a freshman couldn't do it," Michigan quarterbackTate Forcier said. "I did it."

Michigan is now ranked, which, as I discussed earlier in the week, changes the chemistry of the situation.  There are expectations now.  We are all assuming 4-0 going into Michigan State, and following Sparty's celebration of Mark Dantonio's contract extension by losing to Central Michigan for the third time, things are looking pretty good for our afternoon in East Lansing.  But we need to remember that despite Tate now being college football's poster boy for "freshman poise under pressure," he has yet to have his back against the wall with a stadium of people that want him dead.  The plus side is that we seem to have two consecutive cupcakes in front of us, which means that Tate...and please don't forget Denard...are going to be three weeks older, three weeks better, with two more games worth of plays and film analysis to help them.

But I'm here to tell you not to get ahead of yourself, to remember that while they are fearless and talented, they are still kids...and it's a long long season.  So let's just relax and enjoy these next two weeks, and revel in this miraculous start.

"I told them after the game, they have to stay hungry and humble. It's two wins. They'll get some respect back, but it's still a long way to go. If they stay humble and hungry, then some of that national respect that all of us want, our fans want, our players want, they'll get it." - Rich Rodriguez

UMTailgate.com Featured on AnnArbor.com

Thanks to James Dickson of AnnArbor.com (the artist formerly known as the Ann Arbor News) for a great article that appeared online last night and on the cover of the Sunday paper this morning.  We've found ourselves the subject of a newspaper article or two in our tenure as UMTailgate.com, but Dickson's article captured the essence of what we do in a way the others didn't.

And perhaps the ultimate compliment is that AnnArbor.com photographer Angela Cesere took a break from shooting video and photos...and from a diet that does not include meat...to sample the ribs.

Ahhhh UMTailgate.com, converting vegetarians one game at a time.

Trying To Look Forward

So, I've watched Michigan vs. Western Michigan like five times.  Which is to say I've watched the first half like ten times, Denard's run about 20 times, and that perfect pass from Tate to Junior about 25 times.  The importance of that game, at the time it took place, was so paramount.  I can only hope that it becomes the opening act on something amazing... something that shocks the world of college football.  Because that's why we tailgate, that's why I'll be up until 3am tonight starting 12 racks of baby backs, that's why we follow this team with such passion.  We want our expectations exceeded. It's something so rare for a program of our stature, that I can only think of one time that it happened.  But if it ever were to happen again, it's in this season, where our expectations are so low that we are hoping to break even, or to just make a bowl.

But after one game, that's not enough anymore.  We have one game to challenge us in the month of September.  One game that will change everything.  One game in which we find ourselves as the underdog.  One game in which we can truly exceed expectations.  And that game is this Saturday.  If Michigan beats Notre Dame, a team that is as overhyped as it has ever been (and that's saying something), the Wolverines will effectively have three weeks of bliss before going into East Lansing.  They will be ranked.  They will be on the tips of the tongues of every talking head in the business.  They will be 4-0.

It is then that they will then have to live up to new expectations.

Let's enjoy this time, while we are still unsure, while we still have no expectations, while we still have questions.  Was Western just that bad?  Was the way things clicked so well just a fluke?  How will this very young team respond to adversity?

If Michigan loses, will you still be ALL-IN?

Notre Dame brings a portly coach and a fruity quarterback into Ann Arbor, with a supporting cast that is a year older and wiser than the team we faced last year.  We, for all intents and purposes, are a year or two younger and dumber.  If the past wasn't the past, if Notre Dame wasn't returning to glory, and Michigan wasn't coming off of a 3-9 season, Notre Dame on paper, from man to man, is more talented and more experienced.  But on Saturday, Notre Dame is bringing with it the weight of the complete demise of a program, and the weight of Charlie Weis, who will probably never hear his home crowd chant his name.  We'd like to think we've exercised our demons, that the one year was a fluke, that we will get better every week, that Rich Rodriguez's system will work.  And it's because we believe...because we will be behind our team at home, and because our guys are just young enough not to understand the gravity of the matchup and just want to play football...that we are in a better position to win.

To hell with Notre Dame.

F@$% the Irish

​by Tuba

It's confusing to a lot of people, how I can say openly and willingly that I'm a Notre Dame hater. So much so, and much to the chagrin of most at our tailgate, that I loathe them more than Ohio State. There's slight hypocrisy involved considering the uppity nature and high brow fandom that our University has been known to pump out, but I find the Irish intolerable, snobby, pretentious, egomaniacal, smell of their own shit loving, my religion is better than yours claiming, douche bags.

I generally like the Irish as a nationality. They enjoy what I enjoy. Being loud and drinking. They have marvelous poems, songs and limericks and they're a humorous bunch. But not when they're the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. It seems so incredibly contradictory to what I know the Irish to be. First and foremost, the school is founded on the basis of one religion. The Irish, traditionally have two, Catholic and Protestant (just don't bring it up in conversation and most certainly don't order the wrong kind of whiskey!) In order to be fair and not single out Notre Dame for their promotion of homogeny, let me say that I tend to be fanatical about not be fanatical (unless of course its about Michigan football). So to promote one ideology as the best ideology bothers me.

Second, they're a private institution. Private funding equals agendas. Whoa, whoa, whoa you say. Every higher institution, in some way or another is agenda driven. And public schools get plenty of private funding. However, when you get taxpayer dollars involved, the institution immediately becomes a natural part of the community. What?!? the Notre Dame alum exclaims. We're South Bend and South Bend is us. And I say, "Yes, my point exactly."

Frankly, by writing this column I am contradicting the very essence of my hatred for Notre Dame. I am being completely condescending and pretentious. I can't deny this. Sadly, Michigan maintains some of the same attributes that Notre Dame does. A majority of our fan base enjoys a fine Riesling or Chenin Blanc with their Roquefort but alas, we have diversity. We also have our fair share of beer drinkers, whiskey swillers, Boone's Farm lovers and certainly non-believers. But what really gets me, what truly breaks my fricking hump is the contract extension given to Charlie Weis; the absolutely obnoxious handling of their coaching situation after the brief and swift dismissal of Coach Willingham.

Was Tyrone a good coach? Eh, I'm not sure; they only gave him three years. Is Charlie Weis a good coach? Eh, I'm not sure but he's gotten five. Their winning percentages are separated by 5 thousandth of a point. Coach Willingham's best year came with Coach Davie's players. Coach Weis's best years came with Coach Willingham's players. To compare them on this page is futile. Neither are world beaters. But one is rich beyond belief and the other is bouncing around college football (despite the one with the job being the actual man that can physically bounce.) My beef is with the contract extension. I heard it from all directions and from every Notre Dame fan I encountered: Charlie has NFL experience! He made Tom Brady the quarterback he is today! He deserves the 10 year contract!

10 year contract?! Did you just hear the record skip?! They gave Charlie Weis a 10 year fucking contract halfway through his first season with Tyrone Willingham's players. Here's the opening line from the AP article:

SOUTH BEND, Indiana -- It took Notre Dame football coach Charlie Weis only seven games to earn a new contract.

SERIOUSLY?! Now they're stuck. They gave him a ridiculously irresponsible contract and if there really is a fair and honest god, he should be punished for stealing. However, had Charlie Weis been black he wouldn't have been in this position. How do I know? Because Tyrone Willingham was in the same position. In fact, Tyrone lead the Irish to a #4 ranking including an 8-0 start in his first year with wins over #7 Michigan and #11 Florida State! Weis was 5-2 through his first seven games! I mean, where do you come up with the logic to even start explaining this rationality?! Absurd. Absolutely absurd. They deserve everything they have coming to them. Including another ass whopping at the hands of Michigan.