These Night Games Could End Up Killing Someone

​It's a long drive from Ann Arbor to Minneapolis. It's a long night when a bar offers 2-for-1 on all drinks from 9pm to midnight. It's a long tailgate when the game starts at 7pm. It's a long but satisfying walk from the Michigan sideline to the Minnesota sideline to open that mystery box and pull out the Little Brown Jug.

It's a tough job to motivate a group of young men to get up for games every week. Somehow, Coach Carr has convinced his teams year after year that the Little Brown Jug is important, despite the fact that this rivalry has been grossly one-sided for the better part of the past century. He spins the yarn of the legend of Yost and the water jug on Michigan Replay, at the press conference, and to the team. For some reason, they seem to buy into it. Every time we win this game, even when we've won it sixteen straight times, we pull that jug out in celebration, jumping up and down like we clinched the wild card or something (*cough*).

Saturday wasn't much different. Michael Hart and his band of zone blockers were a ball-control machine, while Henne's air attack continued to amaze everyone with its laser accuracy. It seems that anytime he feels like it, Chad can look-off the safety and fire it to Manningham (or Arrington) for a touchdown. And though it wasn't all roses in one of our last trips to the Metrodome (new Gopher stadium in '09...yes!!!) it was never really in doubt. Michigan came out fast in this one, getting a 14-0 lead by way of two Henne-to-Arrington touchdowns, and would lead 21-7 at the half, which seemed like the fastest half of football ever. It was a scoreless second half until Henne-to-Hart was followed by a Hart 1-yard dive to make it 28-7. A Gopher touchdown with just under 5 minutes to play was followed by an on-side kick that was recovered by Minnesota. Embarrassingly, the only people there to see it were the remaining Michigan fans. I haven't seen a place clear out like that since Penn State '97. The Gophers took it all the way to the Michigan 8, but Cupito's last ditch effort fell incomplete. In the ultimate reverse flashback moment to last year, Michigan was just trying to run out the clock when Mike Hart busted a 53-yard run a la the ineligible Gary Russell in 2005. I thought we should kick the field goal just to be funny (and because Garret seems to be having problems) but instead we let Brandon Minor and Carlos Brown work out their legs as time expired. Michigan wins 28-14.

Our arrival on Friday allowed for a full campus bar tour. We hit Stub and Herbs, Big Ten, and Sally's...and we were flabbergasted at the lack of people out on the eve of the big game. Every excuse in the book was given to us by the locals, from "tomorrow's a big day" to "there's probably more people in Dinkytown." But we had a good time with the few locals we did meet, and enjoyed the drink specials. It cost about $50 to incapacitate the three of us, with new tailgater Baby Gorilla feeling the effects well into Saturday.

On Saturday, we started with a trip to the famous "Al's Breakfast" where I consumed the best damn corned-beef hash ever made. The tailgate occurred in one of the seedier parts of Minneapolis about half a mile from the Metrodome, under a highway billboard, with very few people around. But we stood tall for 7 hours with Jambalaya, BBQ beef poor boys, and locally made subs.

A successful but arduous trip across the country...leaving just one more game of revenge. But we must not look ahead, because Sparty is coming to town this Saturday, and even though they are an embarassment to themselves, their fans, and their mothers, they can fix everything in one shot. Get ready folks...the longest home tailgate in Michigan history is on the horizon. The theme is Urban, so pull out the soul food recipes and get your livers ready.

Predicting the Destination of the Jug

​The Hammer:

I'm willing to concede that Minnesota's offense will be a stiffer test than Wisconsin's. They have more balance and a somewhat less predictable attack. With that being said, their defense should be no match. I'll give the Gophers 17 points but we're dropping 31. This will be another game that frustrates me at times because of play calling but I'm hoping we get things strait before Michigan State. Bring back the jug.I'm thirsty damn it!

Michigan 31

Minnesota 17

Offensive MVP: A. Arrington

Defensive MVP: L. Hall

Johnny Cleveland:

Nomally an 8pm'er in the HHH would signify trouble, especially with the Spartans on deck. However, when you have a half dozen NFL players on the defensive side of the ball, you tend to rest a little easier. Could be close for quite a stretch with their ground game and experienced QB, but turnovers break it open eventually. Don't be surprised if the Gophers air it out early...but in the end we dance in Dinkytown!

Michigan 38

Minnesota 21

OMVP: Chad Henne

DMVP: Terrance Taylor

The XBox:

Michigan: 42

Minnesota: 27

The Webmaster:

No looking ahead when it's Revenge Week Part 3. They celebrated on our field. They planted a flag Sparty style. They took our jug. We are coming to fix all of it.

Michigan 34

Minnesota 13

OMVP: Mike Hart again

DMVP: Alan Branch again

Detroit in the Blood

​by Tuba

Prior to the domination that was our game against Notre Dame, I interviewed ex-Wolverine baseball player Bobby Scales. In a crazy round-a-bout fashion, we are now joined by Andy Kropf, Atlanta native and childhood friend of Bobby Scales. Andy's baseball career took him to Vanderbilt University where he played briefly with Mark Prior (before Prior transfered to USC) and was drafted by the Detroit Tigers and reached double-A status before his passion to make music took over. He is the front man and founder of the band Ocean Street, who just released their first full length album on September 16th, the same day as the domination mentioned above. My relationship with the band has grown exponentially since directing their first music video in Gulf Shores, AL, in early August. I encourage all of you to check out their website and get a copy of their album. Cheers!

TH - Andy, tell us about Ocean Street. How did the band get started and what's the influence?

OS - Mark Kovaly (keyboards), Steve Q (rhythm guitar), and myself (lead vocals) had been playing acoustic shows in little coffee shops and songwriter contests. At one point, we felt the urge to move forward and bring in drums, bass, and some lead guitar. It was very hard to find the right group of guys who were talented, committed, and had that x factor but eventually we found them in The Wall (drums) and Lance Price (lead guitar). I look back and everything felt like it was taking forever but I am glad for the way it unfolded. I would say our influences run the gamut pretty well. Everyone in the band was influenced by slightly different artists. What happens when you roll that up is the sound of Ocean Street, which has been described as a “Melodic collision of Southern-Soul and Songwriter Rock.(http://www.prleap.com/pr/46063/)

TH - What went down Saturday September 16th and how does it feel to have a fully completed album?

OS - We had our Album and Video release party. We debuted our video, released our album, and played a high energy, multi-sensory show to a capacity crowd in Atlanta. It feels great to have an album finished, but especially this one. This one means so much. These songs were written over the course of four or five years. We took our time deciding on a producer, and whether we wanted to do a full album or just an EP. Then, we just decided to go for it. Part of it was finding the right guy. Part of it was that I started to get that now or never feeling. We recorded for 12 months and really gelled as a band and found the parts that were right for each song and now, here we are.

TH - Give us some details on the album and what are some of the hits?

OS - Well, I've never been the Joe Namath type, so I can't really predict what songs on this album are hits. There are too many factors that determine that. However, I would say that after paring this album down from 25 songs to 13, we feel like every one of them is strong. We like them all. We have had quotes from high profile podcasters saying things like "Every song sounds like a single" and "Once you put this album in your car stereo, you will never take it out." We just went in and made the record we always wanted to make. So I am glad we are getting that kind of response. Maybe you can give the folks a few key tracks to listen to. (www.oceanstreetmusic.com)

TH - Take me through your early baseball career and what was it like growing up a baseball player in Atlanta? Name some of the top competition you got to play against?

OS - Atlanta, and more particularly, East Cobb, is a hot bed for baseball talent, instruction, and competition. I think it would amaze people in Michigan to learn how early the season starts and how many people make their living coaching youth baseball in Atlanta. What would also amaze them are the sheer numbers of guys coming from that area and ending up in the big leagues. Off the top of my head, Adam Everett, Brent Abernathy, Quincy Carter, Mike Barrett, Kris Benson, Marlon Byrd, Brian McCann, Jeff Francoeur, Blaine Boyer, Kyle Davies, and Michigan Alum, Bobby Scales. That is just to name a few. There are probably 50 kids a year going to Division 1 baseball out of East Cobb, three or four top 5 rounders, and a lot of guys who eventually play minor league ball. East Cobb is like the Cape Cod of high school summer ball.

TH - The people in Michigan that will be reading this will want to know about the Tigers minor league system...

OS - I really enjoyed my time in the Tigers organization. I made a lot of good friends and had some great experiences. The only time I made it to Detroit was for shoulder surgery unfortunately but I know it is a city that loves its Tigers. I am glad they are having so much success this year. One of my old roomies from my days as a Tiger, Cody Ross (now with the Marlins) made it out to the Ocean Street album release party and hung out in the V.I.V.I.V.I.P area the whole time.

TH - What was the experience like shooting your first music video?

OS - Well, we couldn't have pulled it off without everyone at Lu Lu's (http://www.lulusathomeport.com/main/index.php) really and truly helping out in every way they could. They helped us find extras, gave us the run of the place, and got us on a million dollar yacht that took us to a private island in the gulf. Plus, RM Haddad and Brian Schulz took a little bit of gear and a questionable looking band and made us look cool as hell! The shoot was fun, but I had no idea the final product would come out as well as it did. The video is fun. It shows our live show and our sense of humor. I am excited about getting it out there to the world. You can see the video for yourself and buy the record at www.OceanStreetMusic.com

Thanks for spending some time with us Andy and good luck to you and Ocean Street!

The Minnesota Preview: Give Me Back My Jug!!!

​We've crossed over mid-week and I'm feeling pretty confident. I just can't see coming back here without the jug. There's an empty spot in Schembechler Hall without it. I mean, it really is our jug. You know how the story goes. Lloyd tells it every year like a drunk uncle spouting "'Twas the night before Christmas" at your holiday gathering. Yost thought that the Gopher's were going to poison us, so we brought our own water in our own jug. We head back to Ann Arbor post game, probably by horse drawn carriage, and forget the jug. Yost sends a text message morse code telegram to Minnesota, asking for the jug back. Minnesota says "come back and win it from us."

It's at this point in the story I get pissed. Screw you Minnesota. We made an honest mistake when packing up the burros to head back to Ann Arbor. Why not be civil and give us our water jug back? ...Especially considering that we had to bring it because you guys are shady bastards known for poisoning opponent's water.

So besides stealing the jug from us last year in a metaphoric sense by way of a last ditch run by the now defunct Gary Russell, you actually stole our jug and took it back with you to Minneapolis. Dude...our jug. I'll get a lawyer if I have to. We're taking it back this year, win or lose, and we're putting it in our trophy case...and then we're just not going to bring it to the game anymore. That's it.

Oh ya, I almost forgot, you also planted a flag into our field turf. We're sending you a bill for that too. It's not grass assholes...it's expensive.

The School:

• Established 1851


• Enrollment 51,194, second largest in the United States


• Colors: Maroon and Gold


• Mascot: Goldy Gopher

The Records:

• Michigan is 67-24-3 all time against Minnesota, 30-12-2 in Minneapolis.


• Minnesota is 2-2 on the season, with losses to California and Purdue, and wins against Kent State and Temple


• Minnesota head coach Glen Mason has lead his team to 32 victories over the last four seasons (2002-2005), which is the best four year win total since 1902-1905.


• Lloyd Carr is 8-1 in his career against the Gophers, and 4-0 at the Dome. Michigan is undefeated (10-0) at the Dome all time.


• Michigan is 24-2 in their last 26 games against the Gophers.

Watch List:

• The two-headed monster of Maroney and Barber Amir Pinnix and Alex Daniels lead a rushing offense that is 2nd in the Big Ten and 8th in the nation.


• Quarterback Brian Cupito, who holds just about every all-time passing record at Minnesota.


• Junior LB Mike Sherels leads the team in tackles.


• Sophomore DE Steve Davis leads the team in sacks and will try to have his way with Reuben Riley.

Fun Facts:

• I once made the cover of the website cameltoe.org (link not suitable for work, obviously) for a picture I appeared in with Goldy the Gopher (above).

THE NCAA/BCS Blows

by Johnny Cleveland​

I decided to write this while we were still undefeated. That way I can bitch about this "organization" without it looking like I am whining cuz we got screwed. And don't worry eventually we will get screwed (again) by Mr. NCAA/BCS.

Problem 1: Striped Idiots

Since its football season we will start there and with the NCAA officiating crews. First as an unrelated side bar, let me point out the ironic ness that officials wear striped uniforms and are frequently reffered to as zebras and zebras I believe are a close relative, if not family member, of the Jackass. Kinda funny isn't it? Needless to say, they all to commonly perform at sub par levels, and I am not ever getting into basketball, see Hightower. The latest glaring set of incompetents came 1.5 weeks ago in the Oklahoma @ Oregon debacle. Besides ruining the outcome of the game, the refs couldn't even get it right on replay. And then the replay guy gets threats on his and/or his family's lives. That really makes one want to grow up and be a ref now doesn't it.

Solution 1: A. Real Solution - get a uniform set of rules and officials and disperse them to games on a national level. And prioritize big games and give them the best officials. B. Short Term - At least get neutral officials for non conference games.

Underlying Solution 1: Although I admit some level of mental retardation must exist to not correct the aforementioned Sooner-Duck call after viewing the replay, at no point should a man and his family be threatened over a non-professional sporting event. If the NCAA/BCS would fix this lousy Bowl Game System then it wouldn't even have been a big deal. It is a big deal because under the current system basically Oklahoma is fucked. Its happened to us many a times, and often not due to refs I might add, but how awful is it when your National Title hopes are ruined in week 2. Pretty shitty, therefore if there was a playoff system, like there is in every other conceivable contest at every level when a title is going to be awarded, then yes, Oklahomians would still be pissed, but they would at least have a chance to redeem themselves in January. (Just an aside in case you ever get this trivia question. And this is some crazy shit, Did you know that the replay official that blew the call was actually on the field for the Cal-Stanford "band is on the field" game, and allegedly was the ref who was supposed to have seen the final and illegal lateral??, Can't make this stuff up if I tried)

Problem 2: National Title Continued

While on the topic of F'in up the National Title let me bring in another instance of NCAA/BCS blunder. Now I must admit at the time I didn't give 2 shits about Auburn and their 2004 title game snub, but upon further review it really pisses me off. First of all i wasn't too schooled on the quality of the SEC, but its absolute bullshit. Currently their are 5 teams from the SEC in the top AP 18, (plus Bama if they could make a PAT) your telling me that going thru that and the SEC title game undefeated doesn't get you in??? Which brings us back to Michigan, how shitty is the possibility of going into C-bus with both teams 11-0 and the loser has no chance at playing for the title. So possibly the two best teams play two months earlier and then one has no chance due to the schedule.

Solution: Tourney Time

Wouldn't be absolutely insane to have a tournament and maybe get a rematch, obviously I am talking for the OSU fans here because we are winning the first game. Besides that scenario, how crazy F'in nuts would December be with college football tournament games every weekend leading up to Christmas. America would officially go Bizerk! Once again Mr. NCAA/BCS puts a damper on our fun.

Problem 3: Cause for Insanity

Cases 1 and 2 (Mike and Mo) - Although meself loves to laugh at the man formerly know as Mo Clarett, it truly is a sad sad story. Basically his life is over, and guess who is to blame. Mr. NCAA. Now I am not getting into all the obvious shortcomings of "mo" hisself, but if you challenge a NFL rule and win in court, anyone would leap at the chance to make many many millions. So don't you just think that maybe if later on the ruling gets overturned, it would be a little obligatory to let the boy back in school? I know he probably would have done something else to get booted, actually i think he did, but its still bullshit. Now his productive life is over, and he can't even do any crazy shit to make us laugh cuz he's locked up. Double NCAA whammy. And let us not forget the many other people's lives that has been subsequently ruined/ or should i say re-ruined because of the NFL overturned law. I am talking about Lions Fans, we get NCAA reject Big Mike Williams sitting on the sidelines. His life is ruined and alot of Detroiters Sunday's are shot for yet another year because the NCAA wouldn't let him back in and he got fat and slow and Millen still drafted him.

Case 3: Buffalo Soldier

Let us not forget the brilliant ruling by the NCAA to not allow skier Jeremy Bloom raise money so he could possibly go the Olympics as a skier. Now I hate the Buffaloes just as much as you do, but come on, making someone ineligible for wanting to represent the stars and stripes, Mr. NCAA should be deported. Stephen, make a call.

Case 4: More insanity

Besides Mo C going off the deepend, what about the DIII back up punter stabbing the starting punter so he could play. At first glace you say, shit i could probably be a DIII punter if I worked at it. Then you say, I don't know a single DIII school at all, I wonder if there are any around here. And then finally after that you say, it must be the NCAA's fault.

Case 5: Even Mentally and Physically challenged Rick Reilly knows how dumb the NCAA is

Read his article on this over the top dumb decision that wasn't even the poor kids fault.

I could go on but I am getting so pissed at the NCAA I gotta stop writing.

1 more thing: How can an organization maintain any level of respectability when they allow a jackhole name Musburger call some of its most important and historic contests?