"Notre Dame Can Kiss My Ass"

​I had just completing unburdening my soul on my level of apprehension for Saturday's football contest to tailgater Lisa a moment ago, when she dropped this bit of wisdom on me... "Notre Dame can kiss my ass. Every one of them."

It reminded me of something that I somehow forgot, possibly because of the few years that ND was off the schedule, or perhaps due to their seesaw seasons of falling from, and returning to, glory. I hate them. This is a rivalry game. And from a competition standpoint, it's our biggest rival. I used to know that...we all did. We knew it in 1994, when following Remy Hamilton's game winning field goal in the last victory in South Bend, the student body took to South University, chanting "we want tear gas," and shaking police cars. I participated in the desecration of a Notre Dame flag, tearing it to pieces just a few feet away from where John F. Kennedy stood and announced the creation of the Peace Core on the steps of the Michigan Union. I still have a piece of that flag in a scrapbook.

I hate them.

I hated the way they used to hold that damn winning percentage crap over our heads. "Yes, Michigan has the most wins all-time, but we have the best winning percentage."Not any more...assholes.

I hate the way they look down their nose at you when you go to South Bend. Like their tradition and their University is better than Michigan. There is definitely a look. Like we're the classless cousin here to visit that they just pray doesn't shit in their flower garden.

I hate the way that Touchdown Jesus makes me not like Jesus. God could care less about your stupid football team.

I hate the stat that our last win there was in 1994, which conveys 5 or 6 losses in a row in South Bend. But we don't play there every other year. It's like panicking because our last win against the University of Chicago in Chicago was in 1939.

I hate Charlie Weiss, the way he looks, and the way that they look at him like he's some kind of genius because he had a three loss season.

I hate Sean Astin for playing Rudy. I hate Rudy. I think it's all bullshit. Fabricated movie bullshit. Like they're going to throw a halfback pass to give the ball back to Georgia Tech so a walk-on can play. My favorite part is when his friend dies in the mill, and his brother starts banging his girlfriend. And Rudy's dad was a fruit. "This is the most beautiful sight these eyes have ever seen"? Notre Dame stadium? Eat me.

Notre Dame - Know your Foe

The University:

• Enrollment 11,479


• Mascot: Leprechaun


• Located just 4 miles from the Michigan border

The series:

• Michigan leads 18-14-1,


• The series is a stalemate 7-7-1 in South Bend.


• Michigan has lost the last two games against the Irish.


• Michigan's last victory over the Irish was a 38-0 thrashing in 2003.

Players to watch:

• Brady Quinn : NFL scouts are drooling, but not as much as his sister on AJ Hawk. He is ranked 18th in the nation for total offense, but is just 55th nationally in passing efficiency.


• Jeff Samarzidja : 2005 All American and Biletnikoff award finalist


• Rhema McKnight : Current team leader in receptions and receiving yards per game

The numbers say (national ranks):

• Rushing offense:
• ND 71st, Michigan 10th
• Passing offense:
• ND 27th, Michigan 104th
• Rushing defense:
• ND 73rd, Michigan 4th
• Passing defense:
• ND 43rd, Michigan 27th
• Total defense:
• ND 63rd, Michigan 6th

"Triple Beam..." A Chat With B. Scales

by Tuba​

As we delve deeper into the football season, I will try and provide a little break in what can be an intense and anxious season. Seriously, how many times are you going to read about Brady Quinn's quest for glory and how our passing game leaves little to be desired? Can't win the game in the papers so below is an interview I conducted with Bobby Scales, a member of the Philadelphia Phillies triple-A farm team in Scranton, PA and more importantly, a '99 from Michigan who captained the team that same year. Homeboy drops the knowledge on The ATL, Michigan, College Baseball and even mans up and puts a prediction out there for this weekends game...

TH - 

B. Scales, what was the competition like growing up in the dirty dirty?

BS - The competition in Atlanta was thick man. Where I grew up we play some of the best high school and summer ball in the country. Some of the guys that I played with: Michael Barrett, Kyle Farnsworth (High School Teammate), Marlon Byrd, Brent Abernathy,Adam Everett, Jeff Backus( starting right tackle for Detroit Lions and fellow UM Alum), Andy Kropf (Ex-Tigers Minor Leaguer and Ocean Street lead singer...more on him next week). There are more I just can't remember them all.

TH - Why'd you choose to come up north to play ball at Michigan?

BS - I chose Michigan for the academics, baseball was an afterthought. In my house school was first and everything else was secondary. Not that athletics didn't matter but getting good grades was the most important thing and my folks were hard on me about that. At the same time my Dad demanded that if I was going to play sports that I put in the work and be good at that too. I don't believe in participating in something just for the experience and I got that belief from him.

I was fairly sure that I wanted sports to be in my life for ever and Michigan's sports mangement program is one of the best in the world so that was a no brainer for me.

TH - How can college baseball increase it's popularity?

BS - I think that college baseball is very popular. The problem that college baseball has is that it really starts to heat up around the end of March and beginning of April and that is the same time that mlb clubs are breaking spring training and going north. So when given the choice people are going to watch major league baseball over a college game most of the time. Also there are some people that just hate college athletics. So I think it is very difficult to win over people that don't watch college sports and in particular college baseball. The best thing to do is to get kids to like it while they are young and then they will stay with it.

TH - Can you believe you're playing professional ball?

BS - If you would have told me that I would have been playing professional baseball for my seventh year and my third in AAA when I walked on the UM baseball team in the fall of 1995, I would have looked at you like you were crazy. I really thought that I would play at school then get a job like everyone else but by the grace of God here I am. The only time it gets a little tough is when you come home after a game and turn on baseball tonight and you see a guy up in the big leagues that you feel like you are better than. That isn't being jealous, there are guys who are up right now that I feel like I am better than, flat out. I just keep the faith, keep grinding and know when I get my chance I will be ready.

TH - Of course I can't let you go without giving me a prediction for this weekend's game...

BS - Michigan 21

Clowns from Indiana and their fat coach 17

B. Scales

Way to represent B! As always...We're droppin' the hammer on Thursdays!

What Does It Take To Be Number One?

Every good website post should have a Nelly quote in its title.

The real season is fast approaching. Seriously, there are only four shopping days left until Notre Dame. And there is only one thing on your mind as a Wolverine fan, and it has been on your mind for nearly nine years. It is best thing that ever happened to the Michigan Wolverines, and the worst thing that ever happened to your psyche: The 1997 National Championship. Since that amazing New Year's Day in 1998, your expectations have been seasons of perfection at this time every year. No matter how high or how low the pre-season rankings have been, no matter who has left for the NFL, who has stayed for their 5th year, and no matter what has come out of your mouth, there is a little voice in the back of your head, and that little voice tells you that the next few months will be magical. It tells you that everything you've been doing, all of the smack you've been talking, and all the legacy and tradition you've been peddling for all these years is about to pay off again. You say 10-3, you mean 13-0. You talk about the tough schedule, and the hellish road slate that includes Notre Dame, Penn State, and Ohio State...you say 1-2, maybe 2-1 for those games...but you dwell on dreams of empty opponent's stadiums and chanting "it's great to be a Michigan Wolverine" smiling with teary eyes as it echoes off of Touchdown Jesus, Beaver Stadium's upper deck, and the Value City scoreboard.

So, you think Michigan will be playing in Arizona on January 8th? Let's look at the past 10 years of college football and the common components of the National Champions. Does Michigan have the six pieces to be number 1?

6. Survive a Scare: Fall deeply behind an inferior team, mount a heroic comeback to win. Stave off an upset, beating an inferior team by a touchdown or less. Nearly every one of the last 10 National Championship teams survived a scare. A few examples:

• 1996 Florida defeats Vanderbilt 28-21. Vandy would end the season with a 2-9 record.


• 1997 Nebraska defeats Missouri 45-38 on the "kicked pass heard 'round the world".


• 1999 Florida State edges Clemson 17-14 in another edition of the Bowden Bowl. Clemson finished the season 6-6.


• 2002 Ohio State just gets by Cincinnatti (7-7) 23-19, Wisconsin (8-6) 19-14, Purdue (7-6) 10-6 and Illinois (5-7) 23-16. Have I mentioned that this is the shittiest National Championship team ever?


• 2004 USC beats Stanford 31-28. Stanford would post a 4-7 record.


• 2005 Texas beats Oklahoma State 47-28 after trailing 28-9 in the second quarter. Oklahoma State finished the season 4-7.

5. Go Undefeated

• Of the last ten champions, only 2003 LSU/USC and 1996 Florida have had a loss.

4. Have a player in New York for the Heisman presentation.

• He need not win it, though 3 of the last 10 champs had Heisman winners (Wuerfful '96, Woodson '97, Leinart '04). Another four teams had a player in the top three, and one with a player finishing in the top ten.

3. Be on the cover of Sports Illustrated before you win the National Championship.

• Seven of the ten made the cover before grabbing a trophy... only the 98 Volunteers, 99 Seminoles, and '01 Hurricanes missed it...of course, all saw cover shots after winning it.

2. Don't be a pre-season #1

• Only two teams, '99 Florida State and '04 USC, have gone wire-to-wire to win it all.


• Four of the ten were not even in the pre-season top ten.

1. Swagger

• National Champions talk smack, shimmy, celebrate sacks, and hit hard. And on a rare occasion (plug those ears Bo) they even earn an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty.

As for the 2006 Wolverines:

• #6: I'd like to bypass this one...but it is unavoidable. A fourth quarter deficit against Wisconsin, Minnesota, or Michigan State is inevitable.


• #5: Looking good so far, but I've got a feeling that parity will allow a one loss team to make it to 'Zona this year.


• #4: Mike Hart is on the radar


• #3: If things go well, it could happen this week


• #2: Check


• #1: It's percolating right now. They need a big win to start rolling with it.

Way Back When-sday: September 11, 2001

​Though you may be at your limit for 9/11 rehashes this week, I couldn't help but make this week's Way Back Whens-day refer to the day America was attacked. Coming off of the only week where a game has been suspended due to weather, I would like to take you back to the only time a game has ever been cancelled...

A large contingency of UMTailgaters made their way out west to see Michigan fall to the Washington Huskies on September 8th. A disappointing game, yes, but it was a great trip to the great Northwest, filled with amazing mountain views and large portions of salmon. Most of us made our way back to Michigan on Sunday and Monday, but a few Wolverine faithful had a Tuesday flight. A flight that they would never take. Following the attacks on the World Trade Center, all flights were grounded, and the Godfather and friends opted to rent a car and make their way back to Michigan on the road. With two of our regulars hailing from New York City, we were all thankful that our group's tragedy was nothing but a bit of inconvenience.

In the aftermath of 9/11, the University of Michigan opted to cancel the weekend's game against Western Michigan. 

A team shift allowed for minimal changes to the schedule, and we all gathered the following week for the Western Michigan game, where we established the now famous Bin Lotto. The team flags had come down from around The Big House, replaced by half-mast American flags. In the stands, 100,000+ gathered and stood in silence and remembrance, and united in song for the National Anthem and God Bless America.

Case of the Mundys: Too Much Monday Night Football Edition

There's a game just starting right now at 10:30pm. Looks like a little overkill for the folks at ESPN in this opening weekend. But it's nice to have Brad Nessler in the background as I sit down to write this week's injury report. A little housekeeping first...

The game time for our next home game has been set. The Big Ten opener against Wisconsin will kickoff at noon EST, and will be nationally televised on ESPN. The tailgate theme for this game will be Tex Mex, which opens up the menu to a plethora of delicious delights, highlighted by rumors of a BBQ beef brisket from Fry Daddy Frank. I'm thinking of going with baby backs...but there's a lot of business to take care of before then. Feel free to chime in the comment thread on this post to tell us what you are bringing. We can adorn the tailgate with country cowboy deco, wear cowboy hats, and I'd appreciate it if someone could bring a mechanical bull. Oh, and a hot chick from Texas to ride it in chaps.

In typical pre-game media hype fashion, Notre Dame has moved back up to #2 in the AP poll and #3 in the USA Today Poll. Previews will come in droves this week, but I'd like to start by pointing out my lack of confidence in a positive outcome Saturday afternoon. It's perhaps my first taste of what everyone else seems to be already chewing on. I don't want to go to South Bend, where the pageantry and tradition matches the Big House, and where the Fighting Irish have owned us since 1994. It's the first road game of the season, and we haven't won the first road game of the season since a 1999 win at Syracuse. As everyone likes to point out, we've played a couple of patsies, and Notre Dame has played a couple of household names. They've got the genius Fat Bastard, we've got the hot seat.

Yes I know it's cliché, when in reality the most important game is the next one, but on Saturday we will reach a crossroads. The historical perspective and reputation of our coach, our team, and our legacy will be on the line... I just hope the team isn't cowering under the pressure the way that I am. Someone is returning to glory on Saturday, and I wish I could do more than just hope that it's Michigan.

Enough of that, on to the injuries...

• Antonio Bass: knee, out for season


• Mike Kolodziej: undisclosed, out for season


• Chris Graham: missed CMU with thigh injury, will return for ND


• Eugene Germany: missed CMU with undisclosed injury, will return for ND


• Tyler Ecker: was in street clothes for 2nd half of CMU, no word on if he will be back for ND


• Carlos Brown: strep throat, saw limited action against CMU, should be ready to run the Antonio Bass set against ND

That's all for tonight, you stay classy Columbus.