Wanna Go To A Road Game?

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​In a little over a month from now, several of us will transition from our normal everyday lives to a state of unreality. Those unprepared will crumble under the pressure. They will neglect to go to bed early enough the night before. They will forget to pace themselves. They will drink too much. They will eat too much. They will forget to wear sunscreen. They will bring too much beer. They won't bring enough beer. They will forget the all important pre-tailgate "movement," and find themselves staring down that aqua colored plastic hotbox, facing a decision that has racked the brains of man since the beginning of time..."go dirty" or "suck it up." Let me tell you brother, your day can go from festive to f***ed in a hurry.

But that's a home game. Most of us in an extreme emergency at a home tailgate have the option to, well, go home. Whether you forgot your tickets, ran out of money gambling with The Dogans, or you just sharted...you have options. Not so on the road. It takes some careful planning to make a trip to a road game. Tickets are often harder to come by. Hotels are often booked near campuses. Parking flat out sucks. To save money...and your sanity...your plans should be locked down right now.

Taking a look at the road slate for 2008 Michigan Football, you should know that you are left with very few decent road trip options.  Three of the games could be considered "premium" games with high cost tickets and lodging,  and the other two might not be worth your effort.  Here's a brief look:

Notre Dame (9/13/2008), despite their failed attempts at "Returning to Glory" or "Rising From the Ashes," still sell out every game, and Michigan vs. Notre Dame continues to be a sought after rivalry.  Unless you have a friend in the ticket office, or a big donor in your circle of friends, you may be looking to ebay and stub hub for tickets at this point.  On the positive side, the drive from Ann Arbor to South Bend is a piece of cake.  However, South Bend is not a metropolis, and traffic is horrendous anywhere near game time.  Arrive very early and still expect a horrible parking place about a mile from the playing field.  All decent parking is reserved for the prestigious contributors to ND athletics.  If you haven't made the trek, the campus is a "must see."  There is a real Michigan-Law-Quad-feel to the place, and of course despite hating it, you need to gaze upon the golden dome and tip your hat to Touchdown Jesus.

Penn State (10/18/2008) is without a doubt the best game atmosphere in the Big Ten.  The White Out will give you chills, and the passion of the fans is equalled only by their welcoming attitudes...basically the anti-OSU.  The drive is long and without substance.  You will swear there is no way that there is a prestigious University in this barren part of the country, and when you arrive, you will find that there are no hotel rooms anywhere close to campus.  Depending on how long you wait to book rooms, you may be a hour or two away from Beaver Stadium.  Right now, you are probably in the ballpark of the hour-away hotels.  By September, you will be staying in New York or Cleveland, and are better off staying home...unless you come in an RV.

Penn State has no equal when it comes to RV tailgating.  There is basically a city of Winnebagos that are lined up as far as the eye can see, with more food and drinking games than even the most seasoned tailgater can handle.  Tickets, if you didn't win the lotto last Wednesday morning, are kind of difficult to come by.  And while the fans are typically gracious, you don't want to find yourself stuck in the middle of the Penn State section, particularly the student section.  You can never be too careful when dealing with a team that has found itself on the losing end of a matchup for 12 seasons.

Purdue (11/1/2008) is probably your least problematic option.  We are talking November though, so it might be chilly for those of you that have a tendency to get cold.  You can probably still get some tickets, but the stadium experience at Ross-Ade leaves something to be desired.  As an away fan, it is second-class at best, which I have documented time and again.  On a positive note, the drive is not bad at all, about the same as the trek from Ann Arbor to Chicago, and there are decent hotel options within 30 minutes of the stadium, if not on campus.  Typically, our contingency finds itself in Kokomo, Indiana on the night before the game...but that is for different reasons (hello HipHuggers).

Minnesota (11/8/2008) is something you want to avoid at all costs.  Unless you have some nostalgic love for the Metrodome, which won't be housing the Gophers when we return in 2012, don't bother making the 10 hour trek to the arctic in November.  It will be cold.  There is not much tailgate area.  The stadium is disconnected from the campus, and consequently there is a disconnected feel from the fans.

There is one HUGE positive however...they sell beer during the game.

Ohio State (11/22/2008) will mark the 39th anniversary of the 1969 game.  Tickets are nearly impossible, parking is horrible, and Ohio State fans are half-breed idiots that are just waiting to discuss their dominance over you in some kind of hybrid English-Carnival Worker language.  This game is for the advanced tailgater and die hard fan only.  You do not bring your wife/girlfriend/mother/sister to this game, or you will likely find yourself needing to fight an ape-like Buckeye fan to defend her honor.  Win or lose, you sprint to your car at the closing bell, and if your smart you bring a neutral jacket to cover your Michigan gear for that run.  The drive is again on par with Ann Arbor to Chicago, so that's not a problem.  The problem is that if you go .5 mph over the speed limit, you and your Michigan plate will be pulled over by a scarlet and grey police cruiser.

Hope to see you in the white jersey sometime this year.

Get Your 'Vette On: University of Ohio State Signs Pryor to One-Year Deal

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​As you know, the entire lot of recruited high school athletes make their decisions known on national signing day, which this year fell on February 8th. Terrelle Pryor did not, and opted to hold out for the free agent signing period. The free agent signing period is a little known part of the recruitment process. In fact, this is the first year of free agency in college athletics, and it only involved four suitors, Ohio State, Michigan, Penn State, and Oregon...and one player, Terrelle Pryor. Terrelle had a difficult decision to make.


After careful deliberation, Terrelle chose the University of Ohio State. Congratulations to Terrelle on choosing a future filled with embarrassment, NCAA sanctions, and ultimately...incarceration. Take a second, go to this website, and type in "Clarett" for the last name...enjoy.

Am I bitter? Maybe.

Just want Terrelle to know, the friend of my enemy is my enemy. F*ck him for ever making me give a sh*t.

Hey Timmy, Welcome to the Second Largest Stadium

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​You've no doubt heard by now that The Big House may be giving up the title as the largest stadium for the next two seasons during the construction. In fact, from the looks of the Michigan Blogosphere, I may just be the last to give my two cents on the subject. The reality is that we've only been the largest stadium for the last 10 seasons. That's right youngsters, we were smaller than Tennessee's Neyland Stadium during the 1997 campaign. That season seemed to go well, eh?

So the inevitable question...does it really matter? I guess it does. It's something to hang your hat on if you're not winning National Championships every year. And we don't, so we take pride in the fact that we are part of the largest crowd watching a football game anywhere in America on a given Saturday. But the truth is, we didn't even manage that stat 

last 

year. Following the 0-2 start for the Wolverines, the attendance numbers dwindled to a level at which there were more fans in Happy Valley than in Ann Arbor for two said Saturdays. So, if we are pissed...what are we really pissed about?

The truth is, in a war of seat building, Michigan can always win. The place is halfway underground, primed for second decks and/or third decks in the end zones. If we want it to be bigger, it will be bigger.

But what I don't want to see is gloating from Penn State. Of course, that's not possible, so I present this post from TINNOMJ. It includes the tagline "eat it, Wolverines." Cute. Actually, during official tallying of the attendance, Michigan gets to take 10% of the Beaver Stadium gate. Why? Because WE OWN PENN STATE. Oh, and f*ck JoePa for good measure, that geriatric old piece of sh*t. He hasn't actually coached a game since the 80's. He just stands there and smiles with that weird smush face smile and hikes his pants up repeatedly...and occasionally sh*ts himself.

Look what you made me do. You made me curse a living legend. And during lent no less.

Opinions galore:


  • "We love wheelchairs!" style article from MGoBlue.

  • The whole story from The Michigan Daily.

  • What really matters is wins and losses, so to our Penn State brethren, I say NINE STRAIGHT BITCH.

  • The use of the term "various-plegics" is not only clever, but also ridiculously funny.EDSBS.

  • MVictors reminds you that somewhere there is a Les Miles lover declaring this as RichRod's fault.

  • MGoBlog worries we're not going to get it back by 2010.

I Think I've Seen This One: Michigan 14, Penn State 9

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​Ah yes. Big Ten football at its finest. Run the ball. Play keep-away. Grind it out. Hold on a sec...we interrupt this post as Mike Hart is running to the left again.

It was a matchup of...well...it was a matchup. A couple of old time coaches, who have quite obviously let the game pass them by, banging their old leather covered heads together, trying to prove that the safe way to victory is the only way to victory. That's been the way that Penn State has played us seemingly forever, if not at least since 1997. They seem to have not figured out what nearly every other program in the country has. To beat Michigan, you need to play something other than Michigan Football. We invented safe. We invented ball control. We've been doing it for 125 years. We see it in practice. We see it in our sleep. If you try it, you have a much smaller chance to win.

If we hadn't lost to App State, and we hadn't allowed Oregon to hand us our ass, we'd probably be complaining about this game today. But when you're in the middle of "the season on the brink," knocking off an undefeated top-10 opponent can be quite satisfying, no matter how the cat was skinned.

Today, and every other Sunday for the next 8 weeks, the question will undoubtedly be "are the Wolverines back?" Back? The truth is that Michigan never really went anywhere. The team that beat Notre Dame and Penn State is Michigan...and the team that lost to App State and Oregon is also Michigan. This is what we are. And while we are certainly more focused, and are rallying around our own self pity, the truth of the matter is that if we played Oregon on Saturday, we'd still lose. But that's just the way things are here. We don't have the horses for that race.

Fortunately for us, we don't play Oregon again (until maybe the Rose Bowl? Nah). And thank god we didn't slip Wofford into the Eastern Michigan slot on the schedule. We play in the Big Ten. Which is fortunate since we play Big Ten football. And while I have no delusions of grandeur of running the table in this league, it looks at least like we might be able to win some games. This could ultimately result in everyone being happy. Lloyd turns around the Wolverines. Lloyd leaves program on his own terms and takes over Bo's office as Assistant Athletic Director. Wolverines hire new coach (AKA Les Miles). Ok, ok, too much thinking ahead.

It's time to go to Chicago. Deep dish pizza, the Cubs, the Bears, and live from Evanston...the Mike Hart show. One caveat...hang on to your hats... they kinda sorta run a spread-like offense.

The Best Tailgate Ever? 

Seems to happen against Penn State every time. Two years ago, Henne to Manningham rang in the rafters. Last year the combo tailgate with Gar's World and his winnie was certainly the best of our road slate. This year, the newly adapted carnival theme stole the show. It was easily the most participation, the fullest selection of food, and quite frankly, the most fun. I mean, seriously...balloon pop with prizes, duck hunt forcing an OSU guy to sing the victors, beer pong, elephant ears, walking tacos, cheesesteaks, fries, onion rings, fried mushrooms, cheese sticks...and the best damn post game chili and chili dogs I've ever had. We are so next level.